He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
