I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
found the other keg... it's in the tree
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
