i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
