I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
