My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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