Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
