He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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