I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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