If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
