I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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