It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
