your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
