shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
