Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
