She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
