She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
