i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
