i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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