I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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