No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
