it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
