gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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