I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
