My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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