you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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