wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
