I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
