I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
