dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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