I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
