If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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