I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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