You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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