I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I faked an abortion last night.
you would pick up someone in the library
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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