Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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