He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
