im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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