yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
