I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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