it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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