I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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