I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
BRING THE BAGELS
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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