I will die if light touches me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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