He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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