my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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