Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
