So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
