i just wanna soil my oats bro
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
