im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
