Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
