i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
