OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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