He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
