Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
